This analogy
is exactly how I felt last year when my general surgeon broke the news to me
that my breast biopsy was cancer.
I knew bad
news was coming when my husband and I sat in the dreary treatment room for over
an hour, waiting for the doctor to deliver the result. When he finally
arrived--looking as if a Mac truck had ridden over him in the hallway--neither
he nor his nurse was able to make eye contact with us. After he worked up the
nerve to speak, it was just a whisper. “It’s suspicious,” he said.
“What?” my
husband asked.
“It’s
suspicious. Uh. It’s cancer,” he blurted.
I’m sure delivering bad news on a regular
basis must be hard for physicians. I cannot imagine having to tell someone he
or she has cancer, and I doubt it gets easier over time.
We all have to deliver bad news occasionally,
and, while every situation is different, there are a few communication tips to try
when it’s your turn:
1. Get straight to the point. This doesn’t mean you
should enter the room shouting “You’ve got cancer,” or “You’re fired.” It does
mean that you may cut out the fluff that sounds patronizing. I knew the tumor
was suspicious already; that’s why we did a biopsy. Hearing it from my doctor
again annoyed me. Maybe he could have said something like, “I’m so sorry to
have to tell you this…the tumor is cancer.” (Also, it would have been nice for
him to apologize for the wait.)
2. Speak clearly. I know this tip sounds
ridiculously simple, yet I’ve observed mumbling people in many
difficult-to-communicate scenarios. When my surgeon mumbled to me, the logical
part of my brain thought, “Well, this guy is having trouble delivering bad
news.” Meanwhile, my Holy-Cow-I-Have-Cancer part thought, “Come on now, the
least you could do is speak so I can understand you.”
3. Show empathy. When you have a job to do, such as
deliver bad news, it can be hard to look sincere. My kids bust me all the time
on the “Mom’s fake smile” expression. In fact, they do an imitation that’s
better than the real thing. Obviously, I’m working on that one. You can, too,
by thinking about and, if possible, practicing what you are going to say before
you launch into a bad-news situation. This rehearsal will help you concentrate on
looking and sounding sincere to others while refining the most appropriate wording.
We’d love to hear your techniques on delivering bad
news, so please email us or post your ideas on this page.
Thanks for reading,
Steph
Stephanie@listenwritepresent.com