"You've Got Cancer": How to Deliver Bad News

I just watched the movie, Moneyball, where Brad Pitt plays the general manager of the Oakland Athletics baseball team. In this movie, he tells his newly-hired assistant to go fire a player they traded to another team. The assistant is shocked at having to do this task and asks, “How?” Brad Pitt tells the assistant to be as quick and painless as possible, saying, “Would you rather get one shot in the head or five in the chest and bleed to death?”

This analogy is exactly how I felt last year when my general surgeon broke the news to me that my breast biopsy was cancer.

I knew bad news was coming when my husband and I sat in the dreary treatment room for over an hour, waiting for the doctor to deliver the result. When he finally arrived--looking as if a Mac truck had ridden over him in the hallway--neither he nor his nurse was able to make eye contact with us. After he worked up the nerve to speak, it was just a whisper. “It’s suspicious,” he said.

“What?” my husband asked.

“It’s suspicious. Uh. It’s cancer,” he blurted.

I’m sure delivering bad news on a regular basis must be hard for physicians. I cannot imagine having to tell someone he or she has cancer, and I doubt it gets easier over time.

We all have to deliver bad news occasionally, and, while every situation is different, there are a few communication tips to try when it’s your turn:

    1. Get straight to the point. This doesn’t mean you should enter the room shouting “You’ve got cancer,” or “You’re fired.” It does mean that you may cut out the fluff that sounds patronizing. I knew the tumor was suspicious already; that’s why we did a biopsy. Hearing it from my doctor again annoyed me. Maybe he could have said something like, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this…the tumor is cancer.” (Also, it would have been nice for him to apologize for the wait.)

    2. Speak clearly. I know this tip sounds ridiculously simple, yet I’ve observed mumbling people in many difficult-to-communicate scenarios. When my surgeon mumbled to me, the logical part of my brain thought, “Well, this guy is having trouble delivering bad news.” Meanwhile, my Holy-Cow-I-Have-Cancer part thought, “Come on now, the least you could do is speak so I can understand you.”

    3. Show empathy. When you have a job to do, such as deliver bad news, it can be hard to look sincere. My kids bust me all the time on the “Mom’s fake smile” expression. In fact, they do an imitation that’s better than the real thing. Obviously, I’m working on that one. You can, too, by thinking about and, if possible, practicing what you are going to say before you launch into a bad-news situation. This rehearsal will help you concentrate on looking and sounding sincere to others while refining the most appropriate wording.

We’d love to hear your techniques on delivering bad news, so please email us or post your ideas on this page.

Thanks for reading,

Steph

Stephanie@listenwritepresent.com